As a friend was telling me how shit their day was I literally had to yank back the words as they were leaving my mouth. “Ahh, don’t worry, I’m sure it’ll be fine”. I detested myself for even thinking it. Reason being, I’m not a big fan of airless do-nothing positive affirmations. Whether it’s your Twitter fave giving you a quote for the day or your auntie who just wants you to ‘fix your face’. They really annoy me.
As someone who suffers from depression the countless amount of times that when I have actually forgone telling someone how I feel when they ask “how are you doing?” the response that I’ll get back will be something like “chin up”, “I’m sure it’ll be fine”, or “have something to eat, you’ll feel better”.
How am I telling you that I’m really upset, sad, and everything seems to be going wrong and you’re tellin’ me to suck on the curry mutton bone marrow and all will be well. That don’t make no kind of sense.
I am big on giving people, and their emotion’s the space to just be. Let sadness be sadness for as long as it needs to without assuring me it’ll be gone in a jiffy. Because more likely than not it won’t.
So back to me, why did I have this almost instinctive urge to give this positive affirmation that I hate so much? and I really had to sit back and think what I’ve usually said in previous conversations.. And over recent times I definitely do it a great deal less if at all, but when I do it comes from a place of not knowing what to say. So don’t get me wrong, I can understand how other people probably do not know what to say to someone, and the offer to chew the sheep bone is all they can think of (side-note, I don’t chew bone, never have, never will. Paganism). We always want to have the answers but sometimes we just don’t and that is perfectly acceptable.
So what I am trying to do is live in that truth, that sometimes I just don’t know, I just may not have the words you need to hear. but what I do have and what I can say is that I’m here for you, if you need anything let me know, I don’t have a perfect phrase that will make this feel better I may not even have a solution for your problem but if and when you want to talk about it or want some help working through it I will be there to aid the best I can.
Do you know how many times I would have welcomed those words, or something similar when I’m going through it?
It’s just not every chin up.
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