Let’s talk about how I lie about going out with y’all, When I am invited to go out with people, I as a queer black man In a white (currently) homogeneous society have to assess many a factor. How people perceive me, how comfortable I personally and internally am with the environment in which i am situated, and quite simply if I’m in the mood. This all contributes to whether I agree to go out, to the club, to the bar, to the pub (insert type of drinking establishment), or the goddamn 7-11 at the end of the street.
Often I will go to a pre-drinks, house-warming or party and drink up, play games, socialise, chit chat and bond with people. But as soon as it is time to leave and it turn 1 o’clock (or whatever is the custom for your city) and it is time to venture towards aforementioned drinking establishment I will mysteriously disappear. It is not cute, it is not pretty, tbh it is not something I’m particularly pround of but I will just vanish. It is quite simply because I will have been asked to go out and I’ll say no. Then I will have been insisted that I come to which I’ll have said no. Then someone will retort with “oh, come on it’s for my birthday/housewarming/loss of virginity/party to celebrate Mercury entering retrograde, whatever. Either way, I will have said no repeatedly. Some cheeky people will even have the nerve to ask me why, and even after I’ve given some vague answer of “just not feeling it/in the mood” will push it further even though quite frankly the reasons are personal to me and none of your business.
So when people will just no let sleeping dogs lie, or in my case let a person very adamant alone, I left having to devise and concoct foolish plans of deception to find my way home unnoticed. Or, worse than that, I’ve lied about going home, just because i didn’t want to go with certain people, so I fake tiredness to only then find my way to a different club across town that gives me the vibes are wanted.
Either way, I should not have to be crouching down on my hands and knees at 1 in the morning trying to avoid you peddling back and forth (true fucking story).
What I find most peculiar about it is that I am not afraid of confrontation (I’ll call both your parents out of their names and mean it). But I shouldn’t feel the need to take it their, why can I not just say I don’t want to and that be enough. Why do I have to politely rebuff multiple advance even though you had the answer from the beginning. Why can I not just be, and exist way in which I want (that isn’t harming anyone) without firing line of questions.
So ideally I wouldn’t lie, I wouldn’t be ducking and diving, running off in different directions pretending to have gotten lost from the group. Ideally I would be able to tell you I don’t want to go out and you could say “OK, maybe next time”. Ideally I would be able to in fact I’m heading off to this place because it’s more my speed and you could say “ok, have a good night”. Ideally I would be able to live my truth and you could accept it even if you don’t understand it.
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